IVF Czech Republic s.r.o.

Process of Decision

The recipient of donated oocytes usually faces distress and a lot of worries and asks many questions which should be answered. What is necessary to do before entering the oocyte donation programme?

Four most important steps:

• Step 1: To cope with your situation, to calm down
  
• Step 2: To harmonize dream and reality
  
• Step 3: To think about a child
  
• Step 4: To inform the family, friends and surroundings about your decision
  

During deciding keep in mind what is necessary to do:

• Solve the problems gradually, don't try to solve them all at once
  
• Take care not only of you, but also of your matrimonial life
  
• Don't hesitate to ask for help, only in that case you can receive the help that you desire and need
  
• Always keep in mind your aim - to have a child
  

Step 1 - How to cope with your situation

1. In what stage of infertility are you? Couples may enter the oocyte donation programme in very different stages of the infertility therapy.
   
2. Have you mourned for the loss of your own child or for the loss of your partner's child?
   
3. Will you accept the fact that a third person will be always connected with your life and with the life of your child to some degree (and in case of donated sperm also a fourth person)?
   

Recommendation:

Take time enough for solving your problem because your decision will influence all the rest of your life and that is the reason why you should not hurry. It is not necessary for you to be sure about all problems connected with your decision a hundred percent, but on the whole you should be in accordance with the decision you want to accomplish. Consultancy with a person who understands the programme of oocyte donation could be of a great help for you and could support you in your decision making.

Step 2 - How to harmonize dream and reality

1. Have you properly discussed your feelings concerning the oocyte donation with your partner? Have you chosen this procedure from other therapeutical methods, such as adoption or childless being?
   
2. In case the sperm is your partner's - what is your opinion in relation to the fact that one of you is a genetic parent while the other is not?
   
3. What matrimonial and communication problems will you have to face during the treatment?
   
4. How do you cope with the situation? Do you think that you marriage is strong and stable enough to complete the selected goal including parenthood?
   

Recommendation:

Give yourself a sufficient time for discussion of all questions and problems before you and your partner turn for aid. Talk together, think it over, discuss everything so that you can arrive at a decision that comes from your heart. You should have not only a mutual idea, but especially persuasion about what you intend to do. It will help you at the time when you go through individual therapeutical procedures and when you have to face the reaction of your neighbourhood. Turn for aid to or find other couples who have completed this process or who have already a child born after the oocyte donation therapy. In case any serious problems in your marriage life arise, do not hesitate and ask for help in a married couples consulting centre before you make your decision and enter the oocyte donation programme.

Step 3 - The child

1. In case you have decided for the oocyte donation programme, consult your partner and discuss in details what you consider to be best for the child you will deliver after the oocyte donation. After you underwent the process of infertility therapy, it is easy to imagine that "any child will be good". Give yourselves a sufficient time to cope with the fact that the child will not be genetically related to you, it will not be of similar appearance, inteligence, character or talents.
   
2. Have you discussed the number of embryos your partner will be inserted into the uterus? How many children will your wife be able to carry to term and how many children do you want to bring up? What is your opinion concerning the selective reduction of foetusses? Do you know the risks of a miscarriage in case of a multiple pregnancy  or in case of a selective reduction? How will you feel and react to a birth of a child with an inborn defect? 
   
3. What will you tell your child about his/her origin and when will you tell him/her? In case you will decide not to tell him/her - will you manage to keep this secret from everybody? Are you aware of the fact that if the child gets to know it from somebody else, it may be devastating for him/her?
   

Recommendation:

Both of you make a list of priorities, independently of one another, compare it and then make a list of priorities which correspond and on which you will settle. Speak to your doctor and discuss your problems and possibilities before you decide to enter to the oocyte donation programme,  so that you have time enough to think it over. Find and read information about the upbringing of adopted children or children born after the oocyte donation. In case you have the posibility to do so, talk with couples who have an adopted child or a child born after the oocyte donation.     

Step 4 - How to deal with the family, friends and others

1. When you decide for the oocyte donation programme and the whole process sets in motion, the first people you should inform are those who you are convinced will help you most. Tell them unambiguously who you intend to inform, ask them for discretion and  not to inform further persons. Everybody you inform should be clearly told what sort of assistance you will need from him/her.
   
2. Be prepared that some people can have a negative standpoint, sometimes because of fear, belief or lack of information. In case these persons are from your nearest surroundings, try to involve them in a part of the therapy process, so that they could understand the therapy better and help you.
   
3. In case you decide you will be cautious of giving information around, remember  it is an advantage to be open because  you do not have to hide anything.
   
4. Even if your fear from the reaction of your surroundings to children born after the oocyte donation is justified, take into account that in the near future the number of children born after the oocyte donation or other methods of assisted reproduction will increase  and these children will therefore be more and more accepted.